Life's Too Short To Not Be Pansexual
Updated: Jan 28
A genital’s a genital’s a genital’s a genital’s a genital’s a genital’s a genital.
Actress Bella Thorne came out as Pansexual yesterday on Good Morning America and millions of Americans rolled their eyes, took a sip of coffee, and voiced aloud, “Lord, what is this world coming to?”
When asked to explain what Pansexual meant, Bella elaborated, “You like beings. You like what you like. Doesn’t have to be a girl or a guy or a he or she or they or this or that. It’s literally you like personality. You just like a being.”
I myself came out as pansexual to my friends and family about four years ago, when I met a girl in New York who swept me off my feet with her extensive knowledge of Harry Potter, her ability to become fast friends with literally everyone she met (cab drivers, people on the subway, traffic cops, etc.), and her unreal commitment to dad jokes, despite being a professional comedian:
“What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?”
No answer. Just a moment where I thought she might physically burst from holding in her amusement, then a release of the most contagious, most uproarious laughter I’d ever heard.
I was smitten.
So why Pan and not Bi?
Insert shrug here. They’re pretty much the same thing.
The only difference is that the term Pansexuality was invented specifically to ensure that genderfluid people were included. Bisexual means that someone is attracted to two or more genders, but let’s be real. It sounds like only two. Bi means two. So it’s a term that can easily be misunderstood.
Pansexuality, on the other hand …also needs a marketing makeover.
So you’re attracted to cooking ware?
No. Learn your prefixes, people.
Pan — including or relating to all the places or people in a particular group.
The pan-American conference begins at noon, when the leaders of every country in North and South America will be assembled.
A pan-European summit invites all of the countries of Europe together to discuss the imminent threat of climate change.
The pan-sexual lady writing this article doesn’t give a shit what’s in the pants of the person she falls for. It’s not about biological sex or gender for her, it’s about connecting intimately with another human being, and it’s about the amount of charm that person’s packing.
So does being Pansexual make me a female Don Juan? Am I a veritable sex machine, running sex summits and orgy conferences? Tempting men and women and everyone in-between into a life of debauchery and sin?
Only on Tuesdays.